Miracles do happen, right?

Waking up today to gray skies and rain in the "burgh" is not coincidence, the sky is crying and if you're a Pens fan so are you. I'm pretty sure you're all feeling a little bit like you got hit by a train after last night's loss against Boston in double overtime. If only we could rewind time and play those last 10 minutes again, because I swear we should have won that one!! Even though we lost,  I think the guys played the best game of the series thus far, it was the Penguins we all know and love to see, hockey at it's finest. Yes, the Pens may be down 3 in the series, but miracles can happen and the Pens STILL have a chance to make this right (one can dream)!  I know what you're thinking, It's crazy how vested fans get into their team, where every loss feels like a personal loss and every win feels like you're on top of the world. Being from Pittsburgh, I can't help be apart of this amazing fan culture. I truly feel like I am apart of the greatest circle of fans in the nation. We aren't just fans, we're family! 

Show me the way to go home

This is a short story I wrote about my Papap, I know it seems long, but I'd like to think it's well worth the read! Please take the time to check it out.

“Hello, Maggie? This is Nurse Jill down at Caring Heights. How are you?”

“Hi Jill, is everything okay?”

“Orlando isn't doing too well, he had a sudden drop in blood pressure and he’s not very responsive. We had to hook him up to oxygen to maintain his breathing.”

“Thanks Jill, I’ll be there as soon as possible”

Trembling, trying to find her keys, Maggie breaks down in tears. 

“Please God, let me make it there before you take him.” She whispers to herself. 

She struggles out the door for her feeble body impairs her from moving well. She notices her son Tom who happens to live right next door; however, he might as well live clear across the country in an underground bunker because he’s never around. He’s a spitting image of Orlando, but he’s nothing like his father. It was eight months ago when Tom saw his father last, he felt no need to take the time to visit him because he thought his father wouldn't even remember who he was. See, Orlando suffered from Dementia and although the disease was eating away at his brain he still managed to recall those he loved most, yet it was too much for Tom to see him slowly dissipating.

“Your father isn't doing too well,” Maggie said, “maybe you should come with me to the home to see him for once.”

With no hesitation Tom flicks his Marlboro red cigarette on to the pavement and walks toward his mother’s 1997 scuffed up silver Chevy Impala. She wastes no time and ventures off on her ten minute drive to see her ailing husband of 62 years. As Maggie turns the bend she nearly collides head on with her granddaughter Kelly, they both swerve just barely missing contact. As Kelly rolls down the window to talk to her Nana she realizes her Nana’s face is flushed with fear, that her vexed expression isn't just about their near car accident.

“What’s wrong?” Kelly exclaims in a worried tone.

Tears begin to roll down Mae’s cheek as she struggles to get out the words, 

“Your Papap isn't doing too good, I’m going to the nursing home.”

“I’ll follow you there,” Kelly said as she began to pull away hurriedly. 

She knew this day was coming, but she didn't think it was going to happen so soon. Dressed in all black, coming straight from work smelling like soy sauce and egg rolls, Kelly wastes no time and begins to venture to the nursing home, praying that she doesn't get the call from her Nana that it’s too late.

They burst into the nursing home getting bombarded with that unmistakable smell of disinfectant that’s so strong it tickles their nose hairs. They see the familiar faces of all the residents who eagerly greet them with big smiles on their faces, for they have no idea of the severity of their visit, yet Maggie and her family say “Hi”, and smile back. As they walk further, they see him. Orlando is reclined in the upright position on a hospital reclining chair hooked up to oxygen in the hallway by the nurses’ station; they put him there so the aides could keep a close eye on him. He’s down to 85 pounds now and his legs are so weak that they’re stuck in the same curled up fetal position.  He’s responsive and he can recollect who everyone is with a little bit of encouragement and help. They all sat there in silence for a few minutes looking at what old age and a mind eating disease could do to someone. He can’t do anything on his own anymore, he can’t go to the bathroom by himself, he can hardly hear, and he has to be spoon fed or else he won’t eat. Their eyes fill up with tears as Maggie leans in to kiss Orlando. She tells him how much she loves him and asks,

 “Do you want to go outside to cut some grass today gee?”

For years she called him Gee, it was a name he had acquired during his Army days in the thirties while he did time in the Philippines. Now, anyone else might think the statement of cutting grass seemed ridiculous as it was being directed towards a man who can’t even stand up, but it was something she had said to him almost every day for years.  If there was one thing Orlando loved as much as his family it would have been his grass. For over forty five years he cut his grass every single day even when it didn't need cut. He would ride around on his big black and grey refurbished riding lawnmower from Sears, giving the grandchildren rides, and just enjoying the summer sun beating down on his face all while smelling that distinct scent of fresh cut grass that only nature can produce, to him it was the smell of satisfaction.

“I’ll go cut grass.” He replied in a faint mumble.

At that point, Kelly thought it would be a good idea to lighten the mood so she asked him to sing a song because on good days he would sing his heart out, over and over again because he would forget that he started singing in the first place. Sure enough Orlando began singing, “show me the way to go home,” by the late great Irving King. It’s amazing how the mind works, a man who doesn't remember what he said ten seconds ago can recall a song that’s nearly as old as he is.

He seemed okay, maybe this isn't the end Kelly thought to herself, yet no more than a minute later Nurse Jill dressed in her usual black and white checkered scrubs approached Maggie and her family. She told them that they had called hospice in because it didn't look like he would last much longer than a few weeks. There wasn't much more they could do that day, they had been there for over three hours just staring blankly at him and at each other. They all kissed and hugged him and said their I love you’s as he replied back, 

“I love you too.” 

Little did they know that was the last time they’d hear him speak.

The next few days continued to go downhill, Orlando wasn't eating and he was becoming less and less responsive. He just laid In bed, with his eyes open not moving an inch. Maggie made sure she went to see him every day, as opposed to every other day. She stayed for lunch and dinner so that she could feed Orlando herself, otherwise the nurses would have just let him starve. Maggie knew his condition was getting worse when she gave him his usual handful of M&M’s for the day and he wouldn't even eat them.

Orlando had one other son Rick who lived in Texas and a daughter Donna who just so happened to leave for vacation the day before things got worse with her father. Rick was like Tom in the sense that they both didn't want to see their father in the nursing home lifeless, but Donna on the other hand didn't care. She went and visited her father almost every other day; she would push him around on his wheelchair outside so that he could enjoy the sun and watch the stray cats run around in the open field behind the home. He loved those days.

Sunday came; it was almost a week since Orlando had his episode. Donna had come back from vacation and didn't waste a minute to go spend time with her “daddy”. Maggie, Donna, her husband Bob along with their three daughters Kelly, Michelle and Christine sat in room 513 for hours. It was the longest day ever, filled with tears and laughter as they reminisced of the times Orlando shined his brightest, he was the type of person who never had anything bad to say about anyone or anything. He was loved by not only his family but his community. He always smiled and laughed and his presence alone was enough to light up a room. See Orlando and Maggie weren't just grandparents to their children’s kids they were grandparents to about twenty-five of their grand kids friends, everyone called them Nana & Papap.

As day turned into night things weren't getting any better with Orlando’s condition, the family asked Father Paul from St. James Church to stop by and give support and to say any prayers to help them make sense of this difficult time they were having.  Father Paul said his heartfelt prayers then anointed Orlando with oil as a rite that is performed to convey God’s Grace through the power of the Holy Spirit.

It was getting late; almost midnight when everyone but Maggie decided to leave the nursing home, she decided to spend the night with her husband for the first time in almost two years. She attempted to sleep in the empty hospital bed beside Orlando but she kept getting up in the middle of the night to check if he was still breathing. She held his hand for the majority of the night and for a brief moment she noticed he squeezed back. Soon night turned into day and before Maggie knew it was 12 p.m , she was talking to the hospice nurse when her youngest granddaughter Kelly walked in the room. The nurse explained to Maggie and Kelly that it’s just a matter of time before he passes away.  The nurse sat down beside them and in a very calm tone she said,

 “He’s comfortable, and I don’t think he feels any pain but in the next couple of days you’re going to notice his breathing is going to become less apparent. There’s going to come a time where he won’t breathe for what seems like ten to twenty seconds and then he’ll gasp for one last breath.” 

Kelly and Maggie both sat there and nodded as they tried to comprehend all of this, they stared at Orlando lying there lifeless.

The Hospice nurse left, there was nothing left for her to do. The room was silent. Kelly and Maggie sat on both sides of Orlando, Kelly holding on to one hand and Maggie holding on to the other. Kelly leaned in to kiss his head as she whispered, 

“I love you Papap,” 

she slowly sat back down in her chair feeling weak in the knees. Maggie was beginning to feel a bit restless; she had been there for almost twenty-four hours straight and was still wearing the same blue skirt and flowered blouse as the day before. She debated going home for some rest as she blankly stared at her ailing husband. Before any decision was made Kelly and Maggie both noticed at the same time that Orlando hadn't taken a breath in over ten seconds. Maggie stood up and said, 

“Kelly is he breathing?” 

Kelly hopelessly shook her head and said, 

“I think this is it.”

 Maggie bent over and began hugging and kissing Orlando, and for the first time since he’s been ill she said to him,

 “it’s okay to go home now, you can go cut the grass.” 

As they sat there weeping, Orlando took his last breath.

Why do I live in Pennsylvania again?

Exactly one month ago today, I was Jet Skiing around Key West going about 47 mph, soaking up the sun and taking in the magnificence of the Island. I had one of the best times of my life! There is nothing quite like being out on the open water reaching top speeds and witnessing sheer beauty all at the same time. We even got lucky because not once, but twice we encountered dolphins on our tour and they swam right up to us, well right up to Neil, they almost got close enough for him to touch!  In that moment I felt so blessed to be in this beautiful place with the man I love soaking up God's gifts to earth. If our first day wasn't good enough, we made it around the Island just in time to watch the beautiful sunset, and it couldn't have been a better way to end our day in paradise. The rest of the week was just as amazing, we traveled up The Keys in our cherry red corvette convertible, (would you expect anything else?) seeking out our next adventure while enjoying the stunning views of the islands and taking in the cool breeze. We Snorkeled in Key Largo, and the water was as clear as glass, I never saw anything quite like it! There were thousands of fish right at our fingertips, I felt like Ariel from the Little Mermaid, except not as graceful in the water as she was. I'm pretty sure when I first got jumped into the water I thought I was going to drown, but I quickly got it together! 
The next day we went out on an Eco tour of the Everglades and it was so amazing to travel through the Mangrove trees out in the middle of the ocean. Our boat was barely big enough to fit through the canals. It was like these trees had a mind of their own, the way they grow and intertwine with one another is amazing. It was so peaceful in there, and we actually came across "Manny" the manatee.  He came right up to the boat, and Neil touched him! I was beginning to think he was some kind of animal whisperer after both the dolphin and manatee encounter. On our fourth night we hopped in the vette and traveled up to Miami. I felt so glamorous pulling up to dinner in our rented convertible :). We went to a small sushi spot called Maiko,  where we popped a bottle of Moet and ordered the most sushi two people could ever eat in one sitting! It was delicious; although I must note that The Fish Market in Pittsburgh has the best sushi ever!! Anyways, Miami was everything I expected it to be, it was flashy and there were tons of tourists! Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if I was really rich. That night after we drove back to Key Largo, we sat in the hammock outside of our hotel room and just enjoyed the sounds of nature. At that moment I felt so at peace, nothing could bring me down. Unfortunately the week had to come to an end, just as we left the temperature dropped and the wind picked up, it was like it knew we were leaving. We left Key West it was 70 degrees and when we landed in Pennsylvania it was 20 degrees. I can't help but ask myself why I live in PA when it's summer all year round in The Keys.

I'ts almost over, it's almost over.......Wait, HOLD UP!!

As I enter the final semester of my college career, I cannot be any more thrilled to say that I'll be done soon! You can say I'm suffering from a severe case of Senoritis; yet, as happy as I am that it'll soon be over, I fear for the next chapter of my life! I suppose this is a normal emotion that almost everyone feels upon graduation, right? The real world is a scary place! 
Now days a bachelor's degree isn't even good enough, more and more college graduates are going back to school to get their masters degree simply because they can't find jobs. 
Perfect, let me throw myself into more debt so I can "maybe" secure a job. It's hard to say if it's all worth it or not. It's sad that I have to revolve my life around work , what's that old saying, " Live to work, or work to live."  I suppose that is the whole point, we're supposed to find something that we love to do and pursue it, therefore it's not work. 
I guess I haven't experienced enough things in life, because I still struggle to find that one thing to pursue.Sure, I can just settle for an entry level position at some corporate giant and watch my life slowly melt away but that sounds awful! 
I know one thing for sure, I've been having the traveling itch, and I really need to scratch it..(Not sure if that makes sense)..Anyways, In my mind and on paper I've planned hundreds of trips all around the world. Everything from hiking in the Red Wood Forrest in northern California, to tanning topless in the south of France! Oops, I said it! My point is, there is way more to life then sitting behind a desk five days out of the week for eternity. People need to start living more and worrying less about the burdens of a deadbeat job! I know what you're thinking, easier said then done, which is usually what I tend to think, until I remember something that a wise man once said, "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright." 

Beau

 You were fearless, you came and laid down right beside me on my technicolored beach towel and didn’t even know who I was. You spent a whole week with my seven closest friends and I in Virginia Beach and it was like we had known you forever. I don’t think you wore shoes that whole time, or even a shirt for that matter. You told your friends you got to spend the week with “7 super models”. That always made me smile. Your smile made me smile. You called people “lunchboxes,” and I never understood it, but I loved it. There wasn’t a day that went by where you didn’t tell us all how much we meant to you and because of that you’ll always have a special place in my heart. You called me every day just to make sure I wouldn’t forget you. I could never forget you.  The more I got to know you the more I could see the pain inside. You never talked about it really but I could see you staring blankly into the abyss at times. I began to worry because the last few times we spoke you told me to “hurry up and move out here already,” and that soon you’d either be in “jail or dead.”  Jail didn’t happen. I should have moved sooner. I still wish you hadn’t taken your life, but I thank god for bringing you into mine. You showed me how to love in such a short amount of time. My Angel.

Change the World....

My teacher shared these with us yesterday as his parting words of advice and I thought I'd share them with y'all. With these fundamentals I truly believe we're guaranteed to live a long life of love and happiness.

1. Change Yourself- “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” If there is something in your life that is bringing you down, or you're not happy with don't be afraid to change it. Change is one of the hardest things to do but it could be the most rewarding.
2. You are in control- We are masters of our own fate! God is here to guide us, but he gave us free will so we could make our own decisions.
3. Forgive & let go-Letting go and forgiving those who have done you wrong will lead you down the path of healing and peace. without taking action, little will get accomplished
4.Without action you aren't going anywhere-“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
Without taking action,  very little will get accomplished.It's not easy and I think that's why a lot of us just give up. To really get where you want to go and to really understand yourself and the world in which you live in, we need to practice!  It's important for us to find what we love to do and in return we'll find the inner motivation to keep going like the energizer bunny. Don't give up
5.Take care of this moment- Stay in the present as much as possible.We can't change the past and the future hasn't happened yet so why waste time thinking about it. Living in the moment gives us clarity, calmness and positivity. We need to learn how to live as much as we can in the only moment that we ever actually live in and control, the present moment!
6.Everyone is human- No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, holding people to unreasonable standards will only result in negativity within ourselves. Its also important that we don't beat ourselves up over our own mistakes. We live and we learn.
7.Persist-“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
 It's important for us to find what we love to do and in return we'll find the inner motivation to keep going like the energizer bunny. Don't give up
8. See the good in people & help them- This is something hard to do , but it can be accomplished. There is pretty much always something good in every person. We can't pass judgement on people we come across in life, we don't know what their life is like or what internal battles they may be fighting. I ask god every day to give me the strength to see the good in all people.
9. Be your true self- There's nothing better then being authentic in your actions and words. If your communication is aligned people will be more receptive to you and therefore you'll achieve inner enjoyment
10-Continue to grow & evolve-Life is all about growing and evolving as a person and to do so will result in a much more happier, healthier you!